Ulysses De La Torre

I was born the year Charlton Heston discovered what Soylent Green was made from. When I was in kindergarten, my teacher shoved a bar of soap in my mouth after hearing me use foul language. For a few years after that, my favorite drinks were tonic water and pepto bismol, until I turned nine, when I fell in love with cheeseburgers.

Three years ago my physician said I was “statistically obese” (6’1”/185 cm, 215 lbs/98 kg), and reducing my BMI to a mere “overweight” would require drastically cutting my intake of potatoes, bread, cheese, eggs, rice and pasta. I told him I was open to any diet that allows red meat.

Doctor’s orders aside, my palette today generally adheres to the following protocol:

If an Italian restaurant has ossobuco on the menu, then that’s what I order.
I like mac and cheese, but having it in a restaurant is like tap dancing on a carpet.
I believe any restaurant selling a view is trying to compensate for a shortcoming and any restaurant claiming to serve both Chinese and Japanese food from the same kitchen is suspect.

I consider duck the most underrated meat and octopus the most underrated seafood.
Any food free of sugar, salt, calories, fat or guilt will probably taste like whatever cardboard packaging adorns it.
There can never be enough spice, ginger, chocolate, black pepper, mustard, jerky or oreo ice cream.

I like food. I like it so much that I’ve decided to spend the rest of my life eating it.

Contact me by email at ulyssesdlt@gmail.com.

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